OH NO! IT HAPPENED! I missed my first Wednesday post yesterday.
I promise I wasn't cheating in you and I definitely didn't forget about you either. A combination of conference calls and dilating kept us apart.
Yeah you heard me right! Dilating.
Almost exactly one month to the day that I stopped dilating, I picked them back up again. Phew. I actually feel like I missed it. I missed the routine, I missed the me-time, I missed the mindfulness sessions. I did NOT miss the dilators though.
So one month feels like quite a long gap to take in dilating but for me it really isn't. I've taken gaps that are measured in years before so this is nothing. And while I realise that not-dilating isn't going to help me get through the treatment faster, I also know that dilating when I'm in a bad headspace is counterproductive. Lockdown, isolation, dog grief, new job stress, PMS and a bunch of other stuff conspired to derail me but I'm feeling much better.
Dilating Progress
YES! This week I can honestly guilt-free tell you that I have done something. FINALLY. I have felt like a fraud maintaining a blog about dilating when I'm not actually dilating.
At the weekend I picked up some of my favourite lube, Silky from Boots. I struggled to get hold of it just before lockdown and then everything went to shit. When I spotted it in the shop I got really excited, it felt like I was really treating myself and I was looking forward to my dilating session. WTF is wrong with me.
So last night I followed my tried and tested dilating routine: Ten minutes of sex mindfulness (lol), continuous breath work, introducing arousal and focussing on sensations. I took it really slow and only inserted on the out-breath when I was confident I was fully relaxed. I stopped completely if anything felt uncomfortable at all, which it did when it was about 75% of the way in. I accepted that for what it was, I waited for about a minute then removed it in much the same manner - removal on the out breath, stopped if it felt uncomfortable etc.
So the session went well, I'm happy with 75% insertion. My pain scores were really low, I felt like I was in control and I actually enjoyed it. That's the arousal my friends.
Looking ahead to next week:
More dilating! I'm holding myself back from getting overexcited and dilating too much at once. I will take a break tonight and then start again tomorrow. This sort of routine seems to work best for me in the long run.
I think I'm going to have to have a smear test soon. URGHHHHH. Even more motivation to dilate.
P.S. I've also signed myself up for the next Vaginismus Network event in January which I am THOROUGHLY looking forward to. I may have to drive into the night and park up somewhere to listen uninterrupted but I will BE THERE! They still had tickets left last night so check it out on Twitter or Instagram. P.P.S. I've been thinking about a website name change, I am a bit concerned that people won't get the tongue-in-cheek humour and will in fact interpret that Vaginismus is an anxiety issue. I don't want to contribute to confusion around this. Let me know your thoughts.
Stay safe and follow the rules and I will see you next week!
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