Does anyone else feel like the weeks just fly by but also that you have no idea what you've been doing and you're not even sure what day it is anymore? I think Covid has affected spacetime.
It has really felt like Winter this week. I met some friends outdoors for a coffee (observing local Covid rules) and I got so cold I thought I might die. Exaggeration. But very cold. Guess what I don't want to do when it's cold and dark and raining? Yep. Dilating.
It's possible that I skipped a session this week. Please don't tell anyone. Shhh!
Dilating Progress
Just when you think dilating couldn't get any worse, enter SHARK WEEK.
It's been emotional, uncomfortable, painful and I've been so tired all day and then wide awake at night. The good news is that it's almost over. The bad news is that it's only three weeks until it starts again.
Despite the general chaos of shark week, I only skipped one session. It fell on a particularly horrible day so I don't feel bad about it. I actually feel pretty smug that I didn't skip more.
I'm still on dilator 3 and getting a bit sick of him now to be honest but the sessions are still going well I suppose. I'm happy with the direction things are going in, but it really is at snails pace. I know that's ok and perfectly normal but it doesn't stop it being frustrating.
I feel like I've made some progress in removing the dilator without too much pain. This is something I've never had much luck with so is a big win. I've been focussing as much on the removal as on the insertion and it seems to be working ok. The dilators I have are curved, and I think actually the reason why it stings so much when I'm taking the very small tip out is because it's literally jabbing me. When I angle it more it's not so bad. Every time I have a session I'm doing things a little differently and that feels like progress.
Introducing toys
Because why not!
My sex drive fluctuates MASSIVELY during my monthly cycle. It's been commented on by partners that I seem like a totally different person from week to week, and they are not wrong.
Right now I have pretty low drive so it's a bit harder to work on the arousal side of dilating. I'm also extremely lazy and just want the sessions over and done with.
ENTER LELO.
She is a small purple clitoral vibrator that smells of wine and chocolate (allegedly) and she is fantastically efficient at getting shit done. It worked like a charm this week.
If you have read my other posts, you will know that I think it's important to enjoy dilating sessions as much as possible. I don't exactly have any data to back this up but in theory I think it makes me more motivated and leads to a more positive experience. Since this whole treatment is about creating positive associations to penetration, it's a no-brainer.
I also tried some more of the Emjoy app. Honestly some of the videos are like mindfulness for sex. That's the only way I can describe them. And they're genuinely great. Highly recommend giving the free ones a go. I'm feeling super anxious this evening so I think I'm going to try another one later.
Looking forward to next week:
Nothing major on the cards for this week other than to KEEP GOING!
I will try to step things up to dilate every day
Continue to practice shorter sessions so I can do them more often
Continue to focus on removal/moving around
I've noticed I haven't been particularly good about looking after myself lately in terms of self esteem and self worth. I've dropped some of my usual hobbies that keep me happy. I will make some regular time on Sundays for this every week.
Get in touch - let me know how you are progressing :) !
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